I know that many of you enjoy cooking. I am not one of you. I'm actually fairly ambivalent on the subject. I enjoy it while I'm doing it but I have a hard time finding the motivation to go out get the ingredients that I'll need in advance and take the time to cook a nice meal for myself. The cooking that I do is inversely proportional to how much I'm working at any given time. More work=more money=less shits given about cooking.

However, when I do get it together and decide to cook something, this is how it goes:

  • Marinate some chicken in that cheap marinade you thought looked interesting
  • fry that chicken (but only half-way)
  • fry some vegetables in the chicken goop
  • add some butter
  • pour in some of that red wine you're drinking
  • add some more butter
  • pour in some more wine
  • that might have been too much wine, turn up the heat so some of it will cook off
  • why not some more butter?
  • could this use some more celery salt?
  • silly question. of course more salt.
  • how about some pepper? don't mind if I do
  • has enough wine cooked off? not quite. more salt. maybe more butter too.
  • stir stir stir.
  • pour another glass of wine for yourself.
  • feast like a goddamned king.

The end.