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The OkCupid Asshole Hat Trick

Guise. I have to share this story with you because it is so egregious, and it will probably make you feel better about your dating life in comparison.

So I met this guy on OkCupid about a month and a half ago. He messaged me first. I checked out his profile and didn't respond - there didn't seem to be anything wrong with him, but I was feeling kind of fatigued with dating at the time and couldn't be bothered. But he was (very politely) persistent, so I thought why the hell not, and responded. We started messaging and he actually seemed really nice and interesting. So we decided to meet up.


Date night arrived and I was super exhausted after having helped my friend paint her apartment all day, but I dragged my butt out to meet him at a local bar for a drink. I was fully expecting another awkward date with a guy I would never speak to again. But the date went surprisingly well. In fact, it was awesome. Suffice it to say, I didn't get home till 3pm the next day.

We (seemingly) hit it off. We got along really well, made each other laugh, had so much in common, the sex was amazing. We started hanging out and texting all the time. I was starting to think this might be A Thing. Then, two weeks ago, boom. Out of nowhere I get a text message telling me that "it's been really nice hanging out, the sex is great, but there's something missing."

I was sad. Very sad. I drank a lot of bourbon and cried on my friend's couch. I took it personally. He had seemed so great - and kind and considerate and respectful - up until this point. I had no idea what had gone wrong.

Then the following weekend, I get another text. He wants to see me again. I was surprised and almost told him to eff off, but I felt like I needed to see him in person to find out what was going on. So I told him I was open to it, and we made plans for later in the week. A couple days later, he sends me a very...explicit message. Now, when we had been dating before, I had actually requested the occasional dirty message. But, as you all remember, this was before he dumped me. That request was under entirely different circumstances. I was nonplussed, to say the least.


Still, I go see him. He tells me that he panicked and made an impulsive decision to end things. He regretted it almost immediately and wanted to try again. He takes ownership for hurting me and apologizes, seemingly quite sincerely. I tell him that the sexy text was a misstep. He apologizes again, but we have a laugh about it. We hang out the following day and we end up back at his place. We have sex. It's great. I'm obviously concerned about whether or not I can trust him, but I'm willing to take it one step at a time. I tell him this and he says he understands. But when he fails to respond to a message I send him the following day, I'm sort of suspicious. A couple days go by and nothing. When we said goodbye the last time we hung out, I asked him if I would see him again and he very clearly said yes. So I send him a text asking if he's free later this week. An hour later I get a two-line response: "Ya, it's not going to work out. Sorry [JoyFlower]."

I am stunned. I have now been the recipient, from the same man, in this order, of: 1) a text dumping me out of the blue, 2) a technically unsolicited dick pic, and 3) an attempted fade-away, culminating in an even more callously inconsiderate break-up text.


Ladies and gentlemen of Groupthink: dude just scored an OkCupid Asshole Hat Trick.

Sure, I know what you're thinking. Why did I give this guy so many chances? I don't know. Because I really like to believe in the good in people? Because I'm an idiot? The upshot of being treated that terribly, however, is the luxury of writing someone off entirely. No sadness or regret or hurt feelings. Just some angry disillusionment that people can so shitty sometimes. (I am lucky enough to have some seriously lovely humans in my life who would never treat another person that way, though, so it balances out.)


Also, now I have a great story to tell about why Dating Is The Worst.

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