Does Adam Levine have indigestion? What are the sounds he's making? I'm worried. He seems like a nice young man.

I gotta say, I love me some NPH, though. :)

I got my money on Birdman for best pic. What do you think?

ETA1: Okay, the Polish guy totally resisting the play-off music is the highlight so far.

ETA2: Patricia Arquette takes the 1st acting award! Is bleeped for something, reads list, says something about "ecological sanitation," then appeals to every woman who's ever given birth and WAGE EQUALITY!

ETA3: Okay, everything is proceeding in a fairly crisp, workmanlike fashion now. Give us some more moments of spontaneity, Oscars.

ETA4: They seem to be spreading everything out. There's no wave, no momentum behind any one film. Grand Budapest Hotel won for Production Design, Birdman won for cinematography, other movies I haven't heard of are winning for other things.

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ETA5: OMG the People We Lost Montage. I'm losing it. Eyes leaking.

ETA6: John Travolta and Idina Menzel having a little fun with his past mangling of her name.

ETA7: Common and John Legend laying the truth down. Beautiful, stunning and true.

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ETA8: Gaga is doing Julie Andrews. And really doing it well, with full-throated gusto. And then she introduces Julie. Eyes leaking again.

ETA9: Birdman wins. Signs of momentum?

ETA10: Imitation Game wins! With a really heartfelt tribute to Alan Turing and fitting in. "Stay weird, stay different." Spreading the love around!

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ETA11: Linklater does NOT win Best Director! I am surprised! Best of luck to Alejandro González Iñárritu's tighty whities!

ETA12: Eddie Redmayne takes best actor! Seems really, deeply psyched about it! I thought it was gonna be Keaton, but this is good, too. He's having fun.

ETA13: Mathew McConaghey is wasted. And very tan. But he has a message to deliver: Juliane Moore wins.

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ETA14: Juliane Moore is gracious: "There's no such thing as best actress." She is breathless and kinda really charming. And has good words to say about Alzheimer's.

ETA15: Birdman wins. Pay up, friends. I called it.

ETA16: That's all for tonight's Oscar talk. Good night, friends. :)