Do you know someone who is easily offended? An adult who finds error in the most innocent of actions or words? Someone who has a list of enemies so long you wonder how they feel safe leaving the house? A friend or family member who is at some point or another not talking to at least one or more other people in the same circle? Is their logic oftentimes confusing, petty, immature or just overly sensitive?
Then, this, my friends, is the gift for them: The Shit List.
Look, I love my Dad. He largely — and this is an openly discussed mystery to everyone who knows him — did right by me and my brother. But the man can be very, very, sensitive and judgmental. And, boy, can he hold a grudge. (Just ask Tom Hanks and Sally Field. They know what they did.) Of course, he almost never says anything to your face, but everyone else will get an earful. To the point where you'll find out third-hand that you were on his shit list months after the fact, usually for something he chose to misinterpret.
Before you ask: Yes. Emphatically, YES, he can be exhausting.
From my father's perspective, he probably feels more deserving of the Hey Asshole version. Because everyone else is the problem, you know.
The good news is that most of us close to him have figured him out and will openly joke about being on The Shit List. Since my dad is often juggling multiple shit-listers, I figure this will be the perfect way to organize them all.
I'll go ahead and fill out the first two boxes for ole Hanks and Field. Oh, and myself. I'm sure that giving him The Shit List will merit getting on to it. My mom and SIL may never stop laughing.