This is going to be a rambling post, so feel free to ignore.

Also, I'm not even particularly upset anymore, and the SAD is hitting pretty hard this year and despite my best efforts to fight it, I am not doing so great. Also, Welbutrin is shit for helping depression and SAD.

My family's finances are in the toilet. My folks have a house they can barely afford and desperately want to sell, but they'll either walk away dead even, in the best scenario, or sell it at a loss which they cannot do.

My sister and her wife are both in school and my sis was just accepted to a pretty prestigious school in our area. Apparently financial aid will cover all but $6000, but when I suggested looking for an LGBTAQ scholarship, they were pretty flip about it. Maybe you want to take some advice from the person who is $38k deep, huh?!

The hubs and I are getting by, as are my bro and SIL in CA. None of us have met their kids yet. Their oldest is three. More on that later. My bro and SIL in TX are insane people and I don't feel like talking about them right now, but we haven't seen them or their kids in about five years.

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So it's Christmas and shit, and I am not feeling it this year. I hate it here, and I hate our tiny fucking apartment that never looks clean no matter how much I clean because it's a janky piece of shit, so I basically don't clean. I make a minimal effort because seriously, what's the point. The place is shit, the stuff is mostly shit, and I'm the only one who cares but I'm also super fucking tired from being the one who works. I love the hubs, but he does almost nothing to help. He's got a set of issues that, while they infuriate me, he is the one who has to live with me, so mostly I've just given up caring about the place.

We decided to do a white elephant exchange. We used to play a dice game with it years ago, but Communist that I am, I wanted to make sure everyone wound up with the same number of gifts. So, I ordered Cards Against Humanity. We have Amazon Prime, so with the 2- day shipping, it should have been here on Friday. I check the tracking number on Friday, and it says it's been given to the USPS. What the fuck! They can do that?? So I call Amazon, and instead of helping, they extend my membership by a month. Apparently it's up to the sender to decide how it ships, despite my fucking paying for Amazon Prime. I check the next day and the tracking has been changed to say that NOW it's in the hands of the USPS, and therefore untraceable. I call my local post office, but it's already been put on a truck. The package doesn't show. I call after the mail is supposed to arrive, but the office is closed. Great! So now my 2-day shipping is up to at least five, provided it arrives on Monday. So, I went out to run some errands today, and when I get home, the package is sitting at my door. The USPS had delivered it to the wrong goddamned apartment, but someone, I don't know who, was kind enough to bring it to us. So, crisis averted, but Cards Against Humanity, LLC, got a shitty review from this customer.

I don't want to celebrate Christmas anymore. I want to be somewhere warm. My husband also struggles with SAD, and bitches constantly. He's a real asshole in the winter. He started making snarky remarks about being "stuck here" as if it's somehow my fault, and I exploded on him. I told him I didn't want to be here either, and we'll move when he finishes school in May, but not before because he will finish at least one fucking thing he sets out to do. That was last weekend, and he hasn't complained too badly since.

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So, back to my bro and SIL in CA. We've never met their kids. I love my dad and mom, and he's my dad's son from a previos marriage, so he stayed in CA when we all moved out here. I'm the "sensitive" one of us kids, and it's killing me hat my dad hasn't met two of his grandkids. I get a bonus on Dec. 31, so I want to use part of it to either send my folks out there, or bring them out here. Their kids re young, but my folks have a good-sized house, so it would be more comfortable for everyone. I'm hoping to have a Skype conference with them once I gt the bonus money to start planning this. The idea of that and being able to move somewhere warmer without failing again are what is giving me hope these days.

Ugh. Shit. Thank you guys for letting me ramble. Ideas for how to arrange the travel stuff with two small kids would be appreciated.

Much love.