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The Prodigal Seize Returns: I Survived The Inlawcolypse

Hi y'all. I have survived the seven day cruise with fifteen of my inlaws and I am gradually making my way back down to my new hometown by train. So, yeah, that's why I've been missing these last few days. God bless Amtrak, greatest of all terrestrial modes of transportation.

I never say goodbye because I never want it to be mistaken for a flounce, but I always like to say HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS!


My inlaws are not empirically batshit nuts (compared to the stories y'all can tell about your folks, anyways) but having them all cramped up in that tin can with no escapes and infinite booze was...a definite challenge.

Good things: got to spend a lot of real quality time with Day and make some memories to keep us both warm over the next few weeks of Long Distance Relationship; got to eat a great new vegan menu every day; got some stellar photos; got to see a mama dolphin and a baby dolphin playing in the wake; saw the Milky Way for the first time.

Bad things: got a heavy dose of our clan's disordered eating and body image issues; almost Kirked out about table manners (nap-KHAAAAAAAN!) a dozen times; difficulty distinguishing where hangovers ended and seasickness began; now considered a literal medical doctor by all inlaws in spite of the fact that I have completed exactly 2 weeks of medical school and fielded infinite somatic and psychiatric complaints over the course of the week.

So what did I miss? I see you guys didn't actually fix the whole "racist militarized police state" problem, but did you at least feed the fish?

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