Mr. Haa just stormed off. He's at the end of his rope you guys. I can see it. And the more frustrated he gets the more I push him away. I want to spare him feeling badly that I feel so badly. We yelled at each other and now I'm sitting in bed with two pumps attached to my breasts, crying and feeling like the saddest dairy cow you'll ever see.

The pumping isn't improving much you guys. I pump every spare moment and I don't feel like its making a bit of difference. What set me off last night is I was trying to pump extra and then and hour and half later Baby Haa nursed. Well she drained both breasts and was still hungry so Mr. Haa had to give her the 2 oz I had spent all day working for. Gone like that. I just lost it. It feels so pointless and inevitable that I won't be able to breastfeed her. I've never failed at something I've tried so hard to make work and because it has to do with my daughter it's making me feel like I'm failing as a mother.

ETA I can't even look at her without bawling you guys. I just see my failure every time I do.