First, have a lovely photo of an adorable puppy! If you don’t like photos of injuries, please don’t continue. I will be providing photos and discussing it in detail! So unless you’re into that please to skip!

Now, let’s talk about what I managed to do to myself last Tuesday!

See, I was trying to move our old coffee table out to the patio. But what I didn’t know was that the lower shelf was not actually secured to the rest of the table structure. So, naturally, I lifted it up! And that shelf came crashing down.

Straight onto my foot. Photo the first:

No good! But I was able to walk (barely) and with elevation and ice seemed to make things better so I didn’t immediately get medical attention.

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But my mother was coming into town for a visit that night, and when she saw it BOY HOWDY did she hustle me out of there and to the ER.

Three hours and much boredom later (except for my ER buddies, who were all appropriately horrified and pretty convinced I had completely shattered it), my foot had been X-Ray’d and examined by a doctor.

Not even a minor fracture.

Basically I’m UNBREAKABLE.

This is what it looked like the next day. Well, two days later, so it’s actually even a bit less awful. But that photo is really not nice to look at so just imagine the below but worse. Which Mom basically decided justified her insisting I go to the ER:

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It also earned it the title of Zombie!Foot.

Now it’s mostly just a bit swollen and numb, most of the bruising is gone (I’m holding out hope it comes back once all the swelling is down because I’m very strange.) and I can walk pretty much normally.

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Mom KINDA feels bad because I could end up on the hook for the entirety of the ER bill, but she doesn’t feel that bad.

Because look at it. How did I do that and not break ANYTHING?

Jury is still out, but I might not be human.

The moral of the story: THAT COFFEE TABLE IS MY BITCH AND I AM UNBREAKABLE