Welcome To The Bitchery

The things we do for love

This has been my evening:

Discovered that my dog is unable to poop when out for her usual 11pm poop.

Discovered this as she ran, hunched over, all around my apartment building's courtyard, making THE MOST UNGODLY noises (poor darling).


Attracting a crowd of confused and alarmed bystanders.

Brought her inside and found that she had a bunch of poop caked on her bum, which is interesting because she pooped fine this morning, or seemed to. No changes in routine or eating/drinking.

Ran warm bath for dog who hates baths, put her in there and left her for a few minutes to soften the poop as she sits woefully looking like the most unloved little dog in the world.

Pried big boulders of poop off her bum (seriously wtf????) with my hands. Water gets accordingly very poopy, dog shrieks and complains though of course I'm as gentle as I can be.


Run to other tub to draw clean bath to wash poopy water off dog. Airlift dog to new bath leaving trail of poopy water through apartment, sorry wood floors.

Wash dog, get new water all poopy, rinse thoroughly.

While drying dog, hear sliding crash from other bathroom and see cat shoot past doorway.


Go in other bathroom and find that the cat has been overcome by his curiosity and fallen in the tub.

Knocking all the poop off the side into the water, clogging the drain.

There is now a wet poopy cat at large in my apartment, on the lam and refusing to be cleaned.


Both tubs are now very poopy, one CONSIDERABLY more than the other.

There is a wet angry dog shaking herself all over my apartment.

I'm not even sure if this will correct the poop issue, so we'll be up at the crack of dawn trying to poop again as I find out whether I'll be in class or the emergency vet.


I need a drink, and a million showers. Hope your evening was better.


Share This Story