Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

So we all know weddings are...ummm, what's a politically correct term for "batshit fucking insane"? Anyway, they're that. And it's so easy to get caught up in the drama of planning, being related (friend or family) to a wedding-zilla, watching tens of thousands get spent, families getting nuts, weird requests, and even weirder guests.

Here's one of the best from planning my wedding, which has been dubbed "The Tiara Incident" in our family:

My MIL is sweet but crazier than a bag of cats. She has very specific concepts of gender roles in terms of what girls like and should wear, and that every woman wants to be a pretty, pretty princess on her wedding day and wear lots of shiny, sparkly shit. This is...not me. I am the person who had to tell my husband (REPEATEDLY) that I really meant it when I said I didn't want a diamond engagement ring, to think small, and even rejected the size of stone we were originally thinking about because it just looked too damn big (I have a size 5 ring finger, so yeah...easy to overpower there).

Everyone knows I hate ostentatious jewelry. Everyone. So when we were at the bridal shop (with my mom and MIL to look at mother of the bridge/groom dresses) my MIL was asking about my headpiece and I mentioned that I just wanted to find a simple comb to match my veil. She kept picking up tiaras. So I said politely, "That's pretty [ed. note: they weren't; they were gaudy as shit], but I really just want a comb. My dress is more than enough to make me stand out."

She said she was going to pay for my headpiece, so I thanked her profusely and told her how nice that was of her. So she picked up some more tiaras and urged me to try them on. "No, [MIL], I really just want a simple comb, maybe with a few crystals. I don't like tiaras."

"But I'm going to pay for it! Don't worry about what it costs!"

"Again, that's really super nice of you, and I appreciate it, but it's not about the cost. I don't like them."


[Tries it on to appease her. My mother is looking at me behind her back, shaking her head furiously and mouths, "DON'T YOU DARE."] I take one look at me in the mirror, and say, "No, I do not like this."

MIL: "Then how about this one?!" (even worse than the last)

Ok, I put up with this through about 2 or 3 more fucking ugly tiaras, each time, trying not to scream and find some kind of polite way to tell her that these are most motherfucking ugly pieces of gaudy bullshit I have ever seen in my life. My mom, thank God, was looking at the combs (like I actually wanted), and found a beautiful one in a flower and vine pattern that matched my veil perfectly. It was very dainty, mostly done with very thin wire and would look like it was set into my hairdo, which was what I wanted.

She brought it over to me, "How about this?"


MIL: "But it's not a tiara!"


Coda: I did get that comb and MIL did pay for it, which was still unbelievably nice, so I thought it was over.

FF to my bridal shower two months later, and my MIL brings a bag wrapped gift that she INSISTS I open first before anything else. What's in it?


So tell me GT - what's your best wedding story? Doesn't matter if you were the bride, in the party, relative, or just a guest. Let's hear it allllllll.

Illustration for article titled The Tiara Incident  Other Wedding Tales

Share This Story

Get our newsletter