UHG,

I feel like there are things that must be said. I will be brief.

We have known each other for a very long time. Laying aside the inconveniences one should expect from living in close quarters for such an extended period, the events of this past month have led me to examine our dynamic as friends. Your blatant disregard for the smooth functioning of our household speaks to an extraordinary sense of entitlement that is, quite frankly, unattractive.

For weeks, I have wondered about the roots of this behaviour, and pondered its ramifications, but the answer is really quite simple: you have long characterized me not as a friend, but as a competitor. Your inveterate need to assert yourself over me is truly puzzling, but you are certainly welcome to declare yourself the champion. It is, of course, a rather hollow victory, since I have not in fact been playing the game at all.

Familiarity does indeed breed contempt, and that cuts both ways.

I am no longer convinced that we have enough in common to sustain a friendship. An old friendship is not necessarily the same as a good one, and I think I can safely make that distinction here.*

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Sincerely,
BUMBLE FUCKING LOKI

*I borrowed this last paragraph from a Letter of Death I wrote to the only other person I've ever cut off because it does the cutting off part so succinctly.

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<โ€”โ€” and OH HONEY YES it was fucking delicious.