Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
Illustration for article titled ​The week with the dog

Gizmo is my first dog. I'd been around dogs my whole life, but this was the first time I had one of my own. Here are the things I've learned in my first week.

Advertisement
  • If you tell an SPCA person that your mother never let you get a dog as a child, they will act as though you survived some unspeakable atrocity. They were horrified.
  • The SPCA people totally check out who's linking to their page, and they totally ended up reading about me freaking out for a solid week on Groupthink.
  • Just because the dog does not bark at the adoption event does not mean the dog will never bark. He may be a barkmaster. He may end up barking every time the furnace turns on.
  • It does not matter if a dog is six years old. He may not know what stairs are. There is a good chance he'll stare at you like you're a crazy person every time you go up or down them.
  • It is surprisingly difficult to explain to a dog how to go down the stairs, especially if they do not speak english.
  • Apparently dogs will like a specific kind of toy. He hasn't touched anything but a stuffed alligator that squeaks.
  • When the dog likes a toy, he will try to murder it.
  • Shaved miniature schnauzers have hilarious bat ears.
  • Shaved miniature schnauzers feel like the softest bunnies ever.
  • The first day, the dog may not eat anything. Oh, you may think, he's not going to be a big eater.
  • The second day, he will eat everything in sight, then pretend to be starving.
  • Not every dog understands what a dog bed is.
  • Buying a more expensive bed does not fix this.
  • Adopting an older dog is awesome. He's potty-trained. He's great with kids. He's smart enough not to hurt himself. He loved us the second he realized that he was home.
Advertisement

Go team dog!

Share This Story

Get our newsletter