I'm writing this here, because I don't know where else to say it. I finally got to the BIG ISSUE in my last therapy session. The one thing from which almost everything else came. So that's great. But it's really hard too.
I lost something incredibly important to me when I was a child, and I've been unconsciously grieving for that loss for over 30 years. It's affected every single aspect of my life, including my ability to provide for myself, have meaningful relationships, and be my authentic self. I have unconsciously protected myself from ever feeling that kind of pain again, and now I need to spend time consciously grieving, and feeling my feelings. Not only do I have the initial loss, I have 30+ years of suppressed grief to feel, and my world feels like it's turned upside down. I can't see past the next three weeks. All I can do is feel what I'm feeling, and hope that this phase will pass and I can move forward.
I'm in "wearing my bathrobe, curled up on my couch, sobbing on and off" mode. Pictures of cute fuzzy creatures would be awesome. Thank you, my GT friends.