In some situations, in life, people say something when they passive aggressively mean something else. I'm sure I've done it.
However, when I come on here, I do my best not to do that. Lately, I found that, when I voice a thought about a situation that is controversial, I am assumed to have an outside agenda for that comment. It is assumed I mean a myriad of other things, none of which I've mentioned. Frankly, I'm getting really damned sick of it. If I say, for example, as I did, that tone policing is about silencing, I get a nasty, sarcastic remark about how I am accusing everyone of tone policing me. NO, I AM NOT. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ME AT ALL. I AM TALKING ABOUT A SITUATION.
If you want to have a disagreement with me, great! Let's have it. But, the putting of fake words, other ideas that I have not mentioned is really becoming incredibly unproductive. And I'm completely sure I'm not the only person dealing with this situation.
I'm referring at this time, directly, not passive aggressively to two recent examples. One is where I was discussing satire and the problem of slurs. That was meant as "Look! Despite the fact that it was shitty, it did hit a correct note, as none of us are paying attention to a particular slur! That sucks! Let's talk about it." It was interpreted as "Asian people should shut up!" Which I don't think, don't believe, and would never say. Then, it turned into pointless, childish bullshit after that, which was really damned depressing. And no one discussed the actual subject I was trying to bring up at all.
The next one was today. When I said, "I see what everyone means. Very, very good point. Tone policing is used often in the oppressed/oppressor situation. But, also, it is a logical fallacy that falls under the red herring grouping. So, I feel that it can happen anywhere, and not just in particular situations. Which is why discussing food, where many of us are privileged, can result in the correct use of the word." That was interpreted as "I am schooling this poster in her wrong use of that word." Which I was not. I was discussing my understanding of that word and would be happy to discuss why I think that is so, and so on. But, I don't know that a red herring fallacy can be claimed by only the oppressed to oppressor. It's more like a mistake in logic that is used in that way. If that's too pedantic, so be it. I'm pedantic. I'll accept that.
Not tone policing, but if you yell and lie about what I say, I'm going to think 'fuck you, asshole' and the discussion ends. If that's what you want, great! We're there now.
I will now get off the cross. Someone else needs the wood, I'm sure.
I'm just tired of being accused of saying things I do not. I'd like more productive arguments.