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Illustration for article titled Things I Say To My Coworkers

I'm the youngest person in my office (by... a lot) and so sometimes I find it hard to chat with my coworkers. They're impressed by my knowledge of old movies, bewildered by my obsession with technology. They don't get my jokes. Today is a good example of that. Today I became an Addams at work.


There's a male coworker in his fifties who will loiter in the hall near my cube. He's a pretty funny guy and he gets some of my pop culture references, but he's also really bad at talking to people in general. He sometimes says things that he THINKS are funny but... aren't. They come off as mean spirited.

He walked into my cube today with a stack of paperwork.

Him: Hey Eldritch, can you do X and Y with these for me?

Me: Sure thing.

Him: OH MY GOD, look at your nose. Is that a pimple?

Me: *deathglare*

Him: You usually have such good skin! You look like a witch!

Me: *takes the paperwork* Luxor Nexor Burst and Burn! *waves them at him*

Him: What was that?

Me: *sits back down, turns around in my chair* Just a curse. Have a nice day.

Him: *twenty minutes later* Did you really curse me or is that from a movie?

Me: I guess we'll see.

I always wanted to become a Addams when I was little. I guess watching those movies all the time has really paid off. I thought I'd grow up to be Morticia. I guess I've gone straight to Grandma Addams.


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