I am endlessly sorry for the cavalcade of whining I am about to unleash, but I have Problems and I do not know how to solve any of them because I am, among many other things, inept at looking at my own situation with anything remotely resembling impartiality.

THEREFORE. I come to you, Groupthink, with all of my issues.

1. I am quitting my no-good, very bad job on Monday. I am thrilled and everything after that will be sunshine and rainbows. My problem is that I have never quit a "real" job before. I have no idea how to write a two-weeks notice letter, nor do I have any idea how to bring it up to my boss. I am scared. Does anyone have experience with this from either the boss or employee end? Is there something I should absolutely not do?


2. The other night my favorite ex-boyfriend Facebook messaged me and we had an extremely lengthy, extremely sexual conversation. This is so abnormal for us that I almost didn't believe it happened when I woke up the next day. The last time I saw him was almost a year ago and we parted on really good terms but we hadn't talked at all since then. He just recently graduated college (I graduated a year before him) and the whole time we were talking, even before it got all sexy up in the chat box, he said he misses me, and to come back, blah blah. And then he said he loves me which I am going to attribute to (probably) alcohol/nostalgia/some potent combination of the two. He even said I should come live with him while I look for a new job and tried to call me four or five times after I went to sleep.

My problem is, like, seven-fold with this one. First, he sent me a message yesterday that said "Yo" and I sent him back one that was like "Heyyyy what's up?" and then he NEVER RESPONDED. It's been like 24 hours. I think he may have a.) opened the chat thing to say hi because he remembered talking to me last night and re-read some of the stuff and he got embarrassed, b.) remembered everything and then also realized he'd made a huge mistake and didn't know how to express it, c.) thought my response was rude.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE. I'm definitely not packing up my bags to move and I don't even really think he misses me as much as he misses being around someone who likes him/thinks he's super sexy (he is, not that it's especially relevant). I have another ex who texts me with astonishing regularity to talk about everything/try to get me to send pics of my butt in various states of undress and that doesn't make me wonder but this specific dude NEVER EVER DOES THIS.

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I feel like I should say something nice or reassuring or nonchalant but I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this and his radio silence is making me even more crazy. It certainly does not help that my social life is a barren wasteland right now. I have nothing else to think about.

OH MY LORD. I just realized I wrote a novel. Ahhhhhhh. If anyone got through this and doesn't think I am totally insane I thank you profusely. Have this gif of me right now: