1. Dogs. They are smelly and they ruined America. They also ruin your couch. SLOBBER. Also Team Dog. 'nuff said.

2. Rutabaga. I made you and you were bitter and now I'm bitter.


3. Weather: HEY MOTHER NATURE! Choose a fucking season and stick with it. I am so tired of this fucking fall winter summer fall spring winter shit. I can't decide what coat to wear. I can't rotate my wardrobe successfully. I should be ensconced in tweed by now and yet, I can't reliably count on you to be cold enough for me to do so. BE CONSISTENT.

4. Serotonin: Why don't I have enough of you? Why bad genes? Why bad environment? Why brain? WHY?

5. Mondays. If someone asks me if I have a case of the Mondays, I'm gonna shank them. I don't mind Mondays, per se, but they do remind me that I've spent my weekends procrastinating online, writing posts and about fucking cats.


6. Cherry 7 Up: Too much going on there—TRYING TOO HARD. And there are no anti-oxidants there. NONE. How could they survive in your chemical stew?

7. Biological drive towards competition: There is nothing worse than lending any credence towards a douchebag evolutionary psychologist's spurious argument.


8. AGING: Or why does my body hurt in new and interesting ways? My knees. MY KNEES. I need to exercise but I just want cheese.

9. Caffeine: It's terrible when you suddenly realize that your headache, low moods and achey bones are relieved by a latte. Why? Because you are an addict and dependent on coffee. Delicious, delicious coffee.


10. ME. Why can't I be less neurotic?Why am I such an insomniac? Why don't I get anything done? Why not be less anxious? Why don't I sleep like a normal? WHY DO I SUCK? ARORURGHH