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Sickness and pain and the blues.

This has been one hell of a week. A knee injury, a sickness that has knocked me flat on my back for the better part of the week. Forcing myself to go to work because I couldn't afford not to (and dealing with some very difficult subjects while I was at it).

It's not a particularly nice day outside, weather-wise, so I'm feeling kind of justified in spending the day wrapped in a blanket on the couch or the bed.


Anyway, my knees are killing me. Both of them, now. They're taking turns with the sharp pains for now - which I guess is a kindness - but man, I am fairly certain that I have probably torn the menisci in both knees (the sharp pains are on the inside). It is really, really hard to not be able to walk normally.

On top of that, my insurance company is being very, very unhelpful. My primary care doctor left, and I'm trying to sign up with another one online. They only have male physicians available. I'm not comfortable with that at all, but needs must, I guess. Anyway, that doesn't really matter because the online sign up isn't working and there aren't any representative to take my call and help me out. I'm currently working a very, very busy job where I barely have time to pee and eat lunch, much less spend a solid half hour trying to get through to someone human. It's basically go go go from the time I get in to the time I leave, which is - of course - the only times that human representatives are around to help me.

So I'm feeling...I'm feeling really decrepit and alone and useless right now. All I can think about is the pain in my knees, and the fact that this injury was my own stupidity. My roommate keeps saying well-meaning things that just make me feel more broken - not the least of which is pointing out my limping to her boyfriend. Psychologically, it's taking its toll on me. I've never been very body positive with myself but at least I could say "well, it may not be very pretty at least my body can still do such-and-such." Now, I can barely hobble around my apartment. So, you can imagine what that's doing to my self-esteem.

Ugh, this is all very whiny and self-indulgent, but I can't tell my parents because they'd just worry about me (and ask me how I could have been so careless which is not a lecture I need right now). Thanks for listening, GT.

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