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This is the Thought Process of the Third Trimester.

"FUCK! Stop kicking me! I am so ready for you to be done and out of my abdomen already!"

"FUCK. No. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Stay in there cooking a bit longer. If you come out now, you will be incredibly premature and I will hate myself and blame myself even though I know rationally that wishes have no correlation to the onset of preterm labor."


"OH MY FUCKING GOD, if you kick me under the ribs again, I swear, I'm never letting you eat a single piece of Halloween candy and we will give it ALL away to the poor every single year."

"I didn't mean that. I'm not a monster. Really."

"I seriously think I can't stand another minute of heartburn, round ligament pain, desperately needing to pee, and jokes about how big I am."


"Please stay in there another ten weeks."

Illustration for article titled This is the Thought Process of the Third Trimester.

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