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I almost killed my grandma last night. Drunkenly.

At around 2 am, I heard someone in the apartment. Now I'm drunk as shit so in my mind I'm like oh fuck, it's an intruder. So I wake up my mom and am like MOM. MOM. SOMEONE IS IN THE HOUSE. She's like "it's grandma, Fluffybutt. Relax." But no, that wasn't enough.


So I get out of bed, and grab my kukri (yes I have a kukri. It's a curved machete, for those who don't know) and I go out into the hallway ready to kill a motherfucker.

So I'm standing there.

In the hallway.

In my underwear.

Holding a kukri.


And it was grandma in the bathroom.

She comes out and I'm all "uhhhh....hayyyyy grandma!!!!"

This is why I can't have nice things.

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