I almost killed my grandma last night. Drunkenly.
At around 2 am, I heard someone in the apartment. Now I'm drunk as shit so in my mind I'm like oh fuck, it's an intruder. So I wake up my mom and am like MOM. MOM. SOMEONE IS IN THE HOUSE. She's like "it's grandma, Fluffybutt. Relax." But no, that wasn't enough.
So I get out of bed, and grab my kukri (yes I have a kukri. It's a curved machete, for those who don't know) and I go out into the hallway ready to kill a motherfucker.
So I'm standing there.
In the hallway.
In my underwear.
Holding a kukri.
And it was grandma in the bathroom.
She comes out and I'm all "uhhhh....hayyyyy grandma!!!!"
This is why I can't have nice things.