TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE

-filler so it won't show up unless you click on it because damn this is intense-

The rape joke is that you were 5. Or was it 6?
Just young. Very Young. He was older,
bigger, stronger. He scared you.
The rape joke is that he made you kneel,
every day, in the afternoon, without fail.
Sun hot on your back. Every day. For two years.
Or was it 6 months? You were 5 (or 6?)
It felt like 2 years anyway. The rape joke
is that he'd hold the back of your head.
You did as you were told. He knew
that you would. You were very young.

It gets funnier โ€” his mother walked in once,
but did not do a thing. She walked past your
pleading eyes. Walked out as if nothing
was happening. You wondered if she hated you.
Blamed you. Thought you dirty. Rape joke:
You knelt again the next day.

The rape joke is that you didn't know his name.
You only remember him from the waist down.
The hairs on his knees and shins, the feel of his
rough hands as he re-wrote every childhood memory
to reflect only this agonizing ritual.

You tried to tell people through your behavior.
You winced when boys touched you, hated them
openly, hoped that someone would peer beneath
the skin of anger and force the secret out of you.
Save you. But nobody asked, so you didn't tell.
The rape joke is that you were ashamed.
You didn't feel like a child.
You felt like a dirty mermaid.

The rape joke is that you were 9,
moved to a new home. He pretended to be lost.
You were kind and you wanted to help.
You always got lost yourself.
He led you to the back of the stairs.

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The rape joke was that he had a bag of gifts
afterwards. Asked you to choose. You sifted
through them with a trembling hand, afraid.
They were all dirty and used. In the end you
refused. Empty handed of a physical memory.

The rape joke is that you walked away crying but
nobody was around. You cleaned your face,
adjusted your pinafore, and returned home to your mother.

The rape joke is that you were 14.
He tried to pull you back into the lift.
and you would fear walking home for years.
You bought a rape whistle, but it was too late,
it didn't help.

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The rape joke is that when angered by men
who wanted the "freedom of speech" to crack
rape jokes (that weren't even funny), you told one of
them what happened to you. He asked "but
don't you think it's unfair that you corner people.."
you know that he wanted to go on to say
"with your pain?"

You wanted to shout. You laughed, guts bursting
just like everything below your stomach had burst.
It was hilarious. You wanted to tell him; it was always I
who was cornered. Nobody had ever told me that it was unfair.

The rape joke is that he cared more about men
who wanted to be uncreatively funny
than the fact that men had abused your body.
He was trying to argue with a victim.

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That's kind of funny, come on,
admit it.

โž

โ€”โ€” Rape Joke, Diana Rahim.

inspired by this poem by Patricia Lockwood.

This tumblr is definitely worth checking out. It offers valuable insights on racism as well, more specifically, racism in an Asian country, Singapore.