I bring you the dream that woke me up this morning. Drink up!
I dreamed that I rented a room in an apartment but after I moved in, I found out that it was an underground maker space, so there was always a parade of people doing wood work. [Cute Boy Person's coworker that I've known for a decade but whose wife likes me better than he does] dropped by to bring me something and took a look around. At some point, he walked into the bathroom while I was peeing naked. I wrapped a blanket around myself and escorted him to the front door wondering what I should say to his wife to ensure that she knew that it was accidental. He left but after a minute I still saw his shadow on the porch so I opened the door to see why he was still there. He couldn't figure out the security gate. But he also asked where my CDs were because he was sure that I should have an awesome CD collection to borrow from. I let him out and told him he could borrow next time.
Then I went to the kitchen, where many people walked through carrying wood to cut. One of them was David King (who I don't know IRL but who knew me in the dream). He said hi to me and showered me with cotija cheese. Most of the cheese went inside my shirt, so I had to go back to my room to change. But some hairless mice followed me towards my room. Very quickly, the baby mice were joined by a hairless momma mouse, then by a momma Spynyx cat who was apparently the momma mouse's recent mother. ( I could tell by the size of her 6 breasts.) They chased me around in a circle but I was eventually able to duck into my room and block them with the door.
However, someone knocked on my door and then opened it when I said not to. Outside, the pack of animals had grown, now including a snake, and it was being led by an albino opossum, hairless except for his face, with red eye and a permanent hiss. They were running around the house in a circle, waiting for the moment that my door opened so they coukd charge in. I tried to get the girl who opened the door inside quickly enough to block the animals but she didn't understand so she took her time. Too late! The opossum knocked me over and all of the animals rushed over and then behind me.
I sat up. I could feel them. They were right at the seat of my extremely short shorts. I knew that if I got up, they would all bite me in the butt, so I tried to shoo them away. The momma cat was scared off. The opossum was nowhere to be found. But the mice and the snake were still there. I took a chance and stood up.
Suddenly, my pants were much heavier in the back.
But I couldn't take my shorts off in the house to take care of it, so I walked down to the park, carrying a vine with several tomatoes on it. I sat down, and pulled a tomato off the vine. I was about to set it on the bench when the woman next to me asked if I wanted it, and if not, could she have it? I gave it to her. Then I pulled my shirt way down, unbuttoned my shorts and carefully pulled them down. On the back of my shorts, two baby mice had bitten down and were attached, but the turtle head in the back of my shorts had bitten and was holding the snake, which was dead.
My living turtle shorts had saved me from the snake, but sacrificed itself in the process. The woman to whom I had given a tomato gasped. I noticed the guy next to me looked homeless, so I pulled another tomato off and offered it to him.
Then I woke up.