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I clicked on a headline declaring the American Girl Doll of 2016 may be the coolest one yet not because I have any interest at all in the dolls but because, perhaps, I have a good slug of Bailey’s in my coffee.

When I saw this, I became irrationally excited:

Illustration for article titled This New American Girl (Doll)
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OMG SHE LIVES IN THE WILDERNESS IN HER OWN TINY CABIN WITH LITTLE ANIMAL FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This, dear friends, turns out not to be the case. But for a brief moment, I felt as though a giant corporation actually got me and things might not be quite so difficult in the future.

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