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This Shit Again (TW: heteronormativity; dating rant)

Apologies if I sound like a broken record guys, but as a single, straight woman I feel that this is one of THE important social issues of our time: men's unwillingness/inability to make plans for a date.

Last week I thought I may have hit on a plausible, possibly forgivable (in some circumstances) explanation for this. To wit, that men were avoiding doing the asking so that they could avoid doing the paying. But you all told me I was off the mark. The consensus seems to be that men don't do the planning of the dates because they are 1) scared and/or 2) lazy.


What struck me as odd is that most people seemed TOTALLY UNPHASED by that. Like, "Oh well y'know...men, that's just what they do because it's hard for them".

Excuse me, WHAT?!!

Isn't this supposed to be a feminist space? Would we be saying that if the issue was housework or child-rearing or...anything else at all? Isn't it textbook gender essentialism to say, "Oh well women are usually better at making plans and that's just the way it is?" Isn't it more likely a matter of how men and woman are socialized? That is to say, THEY DO THIS SHIT BECAUSE WE LET THEM?!!


I am so so SO fucking over it. So over it. To the point that as soon as a guy pulls this shit I want to tell him to fuck right off. The latest is some dude from Tinder who is cute enough but it turns out he's moving out of state in like 3 weeks. Nevertheless, (after exchanging all of 10 sentences) he writes me:

You seem like a great person to get to know. And I really would like to get to know you. Not sure...But I would most definitely like to see you? Maybe catch a show?


Yes, that was all one series of uninterrupted messages. To which I replied:

I'm pretty tied up this week but I might be down to catch a show next week if you know of anything good.


Obviously that means I really want to go out with him and am going to plan the date right? No? Well then why did he respond:

If you are free next week that would be great. And we can do whatever you want. Just let me know during the week what your plans are sweetheart.


Why am I letting you know anything? I didn't say I wanted to do a goddamn thing with you. You begged me in three different ways to meet you and suggested we go to a show. I said, *I might*...and *if*. That's your cue to come up with a compelling offer that will turn that *might*, into a "Sure, I would like to go to that particular show with you on that particular day".



God and GT as my witness I will die alone before I end up with some half-assed man who expects me to take all the initiative for fulfilling his wishes.

Fuck that totally.

ETA: I want to thank everyone for being supportive and letting me rage. I had almost calmed down but then you know what I realized? All this stuff about, "Well how can a guy know if a woman really wants to go on a date? Maybe she says "yes" but she doesn't really mean it. It's such a risk. Why doesn't she just make the first move?"


OH. So NOW the lack of enthusiastic consent is a problem huh???

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