I was talking to Consort Fluffybutt about MRAs and Nice Guys, and it was really amusing because he didn't realize that either were A Thing.
It started when I showed him the Kevin Smith article from the mainpage, because we're both Smith fans (him more so than I) and I said something about how it's weird how so many of his fans are so insane, in the misogynistic, Nice Guy way. I started explaining to him what MRAs are because he did not know, and I was talking about the "women only date assholes" mindset that a lot of them have. And he said something like that a lot of nerds have that mindset, but the decent people grow out of it, like he did.
So I'm like whoa whoa, you had this mindset? Please explain when and why.
He responds (and I'm strictly paraphrasing cuz it's 2am):
Not recently, don't worry. Like when I was growing up, around 13 or 14 or so. It was mostly after putting myself out there and being rejected, and after that you use whatever logic you have to make yourself feel better. And, say, if everyone is right, and I really am nice, then she's the stupid one. And maybe they're all stupid since I'm alone. It's a way to battle insecurity. It's not right, but it makes sense when you're a kid.
Now in my mind this is like seeing a unicorn cuz I have someone who was a Nice Guy (well, Nice Boy? Since he was a kid?) explaining the mindset and I'm thoroughly intrigued. So I asked what made him grow out it, and stop thinking that "all women date assholes." And he goes (more paraphrasing):
*Laughs* The first time that I was the asshole. I don't even remember what exactly I did, since I was like 15 or 16, but I remember finally realizing that it was all subjective. When you're that age, everyone who isn't you is a dick. Then you're the dick and you realize that you're just immature and stupid, and all those other guys are probably alright dudes, just also young and stupid.
Then he went on to not understand how adult men still manage to think this way. And we started talking about Nice Guys and he was like "I don't get it, what's wrong with being nice? What's a Nice Guy? Why are you capitalizing it?" So I explained the elusive Nice Guy to him and he goes "oh, yeah that's horrible. I'm not like that, right?! I mean I try to be nice and all..." So I tell him:
Me: Ha, no you're not. The fuck are you even talking about. You're not nice. You're not nice in the same way that I'm not nice. You're kind and sweet but you're not "nice."
Consort: Yeah, you're right.
Me: And that's good. Cuz "nice" is boring. Nice is a doormat, and complacent. Nice doesn't bring much to the table. It's what women mean when we say a guy is "too nice." We're not actually turned off by kindness. A guy who is just nice is, well, just that. Just nice. Would you want to date someone who is nice and only nice?
Consort: Nope, not particularly. Plus people who are too nice tend to actually be awful people underneath.
Me: See? And you're fine. Unless you're using your niceness as your sole dating tactic.
Consort: Nah, I don't tell women I'm nice to get them to date me. I tell them I work at NASA. Works way better.
Me: Well there ya go!
But seriously. I was just so amused by this entire conversation that I wanted to share it with all of you.