Update at the bottom!
So I want to talk about my weekend - I know it is Tuesday, but Monday was a whirlwind of being back at work, processing the weekend, and getting some much needed puppy and people cuddles. I am going to start off with the mixed but mostly pleasant events first and then talk about some heavier stuff with a question near the end. I would say if you are triggered by potential abusive relationships/references to self harm I would not read to the end.
- Labyrinth! So a faction of my circus/burlesque troupe that I run when to Labyrinth of Jareth this weekend. We were a menagerie of animals each with a different elemental factor: metal faun, flora snake, darkness jackal, lightness bunny, fire kitty, water crocodile, and fauna wolf. Our costumes were pulled together (some at the last minute) but I argue we were really well dressed and despite some issues with my body I felt relatively pretty.
- The second night (its Friday & Saturday) was great because we were more organized - we made little processions around the main hallway and would busk in between scheduled performances with fan flow, juggling, hooping, and clowning around. People seemed to enjoy our antics. We also had a hotel room on site to go rest and drink in so we didn’t have to spend 15 dollars on a shot of watered down alcohol!
- During the daylight hours - since I am a morning bird- I would go visit my parents in Pasadena till it was time to get ready/leave for home. Dad is off of most of his meds - just an antibiotic and an anti fungal remain and they hope to send him home later this week without IVs or a Hickman port and just the ilyostomy bag left to clean for a few more weeks. He is off of the nutrient drip and starting to eat - mostly dessert! But he is not yet allowed raw veggies, fruit, or anything fried.
- I met one of the last doctors I had yet to meet - Dr. Justin - and he is....gorgeous and the most compassionate one I have met (my dad has 5-7 doctors checking in on him all the time). Just... not a bad thing having some eye candy while hanging out with the parents.
- The first night of Labyrinth was really odd for our group. We weren’t organized, we showed up late (which pissed me off because I am a PUNCTUAL PERSON) and left the party early because one of group said she wanted to chill with her person but everyone interpreted that as let’s go! I basically got back to the Air BnB rental and drank 4 shots in a single take because I was irritated by the group - I came to this party to have a good time with friends I rarely get to see (and them - but also the people I get to see once or twice a year due to distance) and instead everyone is acting like chickens with their heads’ cut off.
- I ended up paying for all our rides to and from the party - and people are not really motivated to pay me back
- My parents have asked me to take medical leave from work in September to be my dad’s at home care person. The state of CA can pay 55% of your wages if you are out on family care leave and my job can grant 2-4 weeks up unpaid leave. My parents have offered to pay my regular wages on top of the 55% so that I can still pay rent etc.
- I am sure I could learn how to care for him - the most unpleasant thing would be the ilostomy bag since its full of scat - but I can hold my nose. But he shouldn’t have a port to clean out or any IVs by the time he gets home - meaning my work would mostly be cleaning, nutrition, and getting him through PT/keeping him entertained and not doing more than he should/can.
- My concern is prolonged exposure to my brother, who I have mentioned in open threads - is an unpleasant person to be around. He is verbally abusive and when we were teens/YA physically abusive and destructive of my personal belongings. My mother is aware of his behavior but writes it off as stress/boys will be boys and doesn’t do anything to install consequences to his actions. He lives at home, works a min wage job, pays no rent and refused to do any chores they ask of him, like doing his own laundry or taking out the trash once a week. There has never been a way to interact with him that does not lead to me being called a bitch/cunt/whore who deserves to get shot in the face. If I agree I am wrong, if I disagree I am wrong. If I fail to laugh at one of his unfunny jokes after forcing laughter at the previous 10, I am wrong. It is an unhealthy environment to be around and after a week with him I ended up relapsing and doing self harm to cope with the emotional response I had from his insults and threats.
- It speaks volumes to me that they aren’t asking him to be dad’s caretaker instead.
- My thought would be to offer him my apartment for the month of September while I am home taking care of our dad - I will still pay rent for that month and store my more important belongings with a friend while I am a city away so that if he decides to take out his anger, its not on anything irreplaceable or precious to me.
- Does this sound like a smart move or am I setting myself up for a different kind of hurt and should just try to isolate myself in my parents’ house while he is in the house?
- Update: have broached the concept of rules etc with my parents and they say he should be out of the house by September 1st and living on his own. We will see if that is an actual thing that happens. If he’s out of the house - it would be a lot easier on everyone. Mostly me.
You made it to the end! Congrats! Here is a fun photo of congratulation.