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This will surprise none of you. I am a giant dick.

Illustration for article titled This will surprise none of you. I am a giant dick.

So my husband has certain adult responsibilities (namely, he does school-board stuff) which severely interfere with my right (RIGHT, I say!) to be a giant asshole when it comes to the way my 16yo daughter is being coached in volleyball. We all have to be so nice and polite and understanding of how "the girls" haven't learned to play as a team yet.

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So yesterday, I kind of had a foot-in-mouth/snapped moment and I can't decide if I'm happy or deeply ashamed. (Kind of like the fact that I write a post about school stuff and illustrate it with a giant carved penis bed. Samesame.) Because NO, NO, this is not "the girls." It's the freaking COACH.

Let's just say that the superintendent and the coach's wife both know where I stand on the way he lets the girls spray their terrible sulky bs on the court and then turn it on every other player. (Did you ever watch a team that looked fine, then all of a sudden one member got an attitude because she missed a shot - badly - and so she puts on a show of how "pissed" she is so no one will yell at her? Then suddenly half the team is scowling at each other and blaming each other for everything that happens and no one's backing each other up? Ugh. OK, specific rant over except, btw, my daughter - with her consistently great attitude but "eh, decent but not great" mechanics rides the bench 99% of the time, which is what it is, but considering they've only got three extra players, it really stinks to watch her struggle over and over again to work past the disappointment of not being able to play. Last night she was all "I'm just glad I wasn't part of that mess. And it's sad how much fun the other teams seem to have, even when they're losing.")

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tl'dr, don't blame you: Coach won't coach, Mom mommed too much.

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