Welcome To The Bitchery

Tips for keeping it real

Jezzies, what are your best tips for stopping yourself from being a wallower? You know, the kind of person that focuses on the stuff that lets them just feed self pity and self loathing, rather than focus on the entire reality of a situation? I'm all for mourning and dealing with shit in an honest way, but with all due respect to my spirit animal Lorelai Gilmore, wallowing is not really the best way to do that.

My boyfriend of 6 years and I are breaking up - and logically, I know it pretty much has nothing to do with me. He's been dealing with severe depression and a lot of issues and for the first time in a few years is starting to feel like he's getting better and that he needs to take time and focus on getting himself right and healthy inside, and that he needs to be by himself to do that - not feel responsible for another person. He has said that while he loves me, he doesn't feel like he's actually even capable of being in love with another human being, and that he wants to be best friends, and that I'm still the most important person in his world. He's legitimately sad at the idea that he's not capable of dating me and has said that there is nothing wrong with me. And we're pretty brutally honest with each other so I'm pretty certain that this isn't just a really well done bs "it's not you, it's me" type deal.


In vacuum, as a friend, I understand and support this. However, in a non-vacuum (which surprise! I don't live in a vacuum!) I'm pretty damn heartbroken because I love him to pieces still and this is kind of completely devastating. And because I had crappy parents this is also touching on every single damn issue I have - abandonment, self-hate, self-pity, building walls. It's this constant effort to try to remember the reality of everything I typed above and not turn it into this "No one loves me", "I'm the worst person in the world" monologue in my head and use this to fuel the fire.

So how do you do it, Jezzies? How do you keep in touch with reality when all you want to do is twist it to make yourself feel bad? How do you keep yourself honest, even when you're full of emotions and sadz?

Share This Story