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Tips on a personal statement?

I'm holding off my application to schools because of my damn personal statement. I had it written months ago, but then I met with a committee at my undergrad that compiles evaluations for students interested in going to health profession schools (medical, dental, optometry, etc.), and they suggested I make a change to my intro, which I did. And then my mom's friend, who is working in the field that I want to go to school for, read over the letter and said it was good but maybe too long (although I was under the character limit). I'm freaking out because at this point, I don't even know if I like my personal statement anymore. I need something that is concise but really stands out, and I'm afraid my personal statement will fall short. I've been second guessing it. Any tips pleaseeee?! Reminder: this is for a health profession school.


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