Well I’m not supposed to tell any people I actually know, so I’m telling you.

Here’s a picture of my dog so that the TMI doesn’t overwhelm people skipping it!

So we’ve been trying to conceive since August, but skipped the last two months because my period *disappeared* without resulting in any pregnancy so it got too hard to figure out when to really “try” harder than usual. And let’s face it, I’m not gonna do it every two days for months, so it just tapered off, and my new medications (combined with my predisposition for vaginismus) made my parts hurt both of us pretty badly. I’m very used to saying “yeah this hurts we’re gonna have to stop” but what I did not expect was to habitually hear the same from my partner. Apparently I’m injuring him with my Very Nervous Vagina.

Anyways I couldn’t sleep tonight and I took an ovulation test on a whim and it was a STRONG positive, so since my lady zone has become inhospitable we used the cup-and-tiny-baster method which managed to also hurt a bit despite being a 1mL plastic syringe less than a cm wide. That’s how weaponized my vagina has become, the equivalent of a qtip feels like a problem.

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Literally why am I trying to get a baby into something I won’t be able to get it out of? Well I’m fully prepared to argue my way into a c-section, and strongly wish they still did the whole “twilight sleep” version of childbirth because going to sleep and waking up with a baby sounds so much better than all the alternatives.

Anyone else here doing very exciting but also secret and mildly embarrassing things this weekend? Also cross a lot of fingers for me, because I’m really getting sick of this whole Get Excited And Then Get Sad Later journey. All in secret aside from people who don't know me.