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Illustration for article titled To be a parent

What is something that surprises you about being a parent? Was there something you expected to dread/hate that didn’t end up being a big deal? What is one of your favorite things about raising a human? Is there something that just breaks your heart about it all?

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I realize I’m asking very privileged questions. To be a parent can be a privileged thing. I’ve seen the heartbreak in not being able to be a parent. The struggle.

I’m curious about the choice and the drive. What made you excited about making that choice? Were you the driving force in your life to be a parent? Was your partner the one that really wanted it?

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I was just having “big conversations” with my partner about it all. And asked him what the biggest barriers/hesitances he had about having/raising a child. His big one was:

1) the want to have a child

Totally understandable! It’s funny, cause he always saw himself as a dad and then I came along and was like “eh, ..children. Meh.” and changed his mind.

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The things on my list are:

1) environmental apocalypse-we need to save this planet tout suite. Raising a child in this hell scape with the shit heads in charge seems cruel.

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2) financial stability (how some of my younger cousins can afford their multiple children is beyond me)

3) division of labor. Ooofta. My partner really needs to help pull the weight in raising a tiny human.

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4) selfishness. There was a (depressive) period in my life that just couldn’t get over the fact that humans just *have* children. And the thought that you can birth a person but what if that person never wanted to be born? If I had the choice, would I have chosen to live in this world? Probably not. But on good, happy, creative, non-depressive days..well, I love my family, I love this song that makes me happy, I love food, I love this mood I’m in. So who’s to say?

Any who, the rambling thoughts of a woman curious about motherhood and life trajectories.

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