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Illustration for article titled To the Rescue! Mission: Duck Danger Downtown!

While I was walking downtown tonight to catch a bus home, I stumbled upon a momma duck, and her NINE little babies! Wandering in a busy downtown, feet from the street, looking totally fucking lost.

The couple in front of me seemed to be following them, so I figured they would make sure they got out of the middle of downtown okay. But nope! As soon as the ducks get to the intersection the couple just kept on waking, so I was forced to jump into action! The momma started to veer into the street, trying to lead her babies across 4 lanes of traffic around the start of rush hour, so I jumped into the street along with her, forcing the traffic behind me to stop for her (apparently some assholes couldn't give a shit and just honked at me like these are my fucking ducks I've let wander off. WTF?!). She went right into the center of the intersection, walking right underneath an SUV I forced to stop a few minutes earlier. Thankfully the driver of the SUV got out and a few others came to help herd them out of the street, and into an adjacent parking lot. Someone yelled they had called and help was coming for them, so we huddled them into a little divet in the landscaping waiting for this 'someone' to show up.


Well, probably 15 minutes later a cop car pulls up and said they got a call about something disrupting traffic. When they saw the situation they laughed, and gave us the 'what am I supposed to do look'. They refused to help at all. I mean they easily could have picked up their big important police man radio, and you know, gotten a hold of animal control or whatever, but nope. As they left they said, and I quote "we're off to fight some real crime". Seriously, douche bag? I get it's really not their job technically, but like c'mon, have some courtesy and at least don't be a tool. Luckily, one of the ladies said she had a dog crate in the back of her car, as she ran a dog walking business. So, since we were still left with momma duck and the nine babies, we decided we'd have to relocate them ourselves if we wanted them to actually survive the day, since the others who helped were window cleaners and a security guard, neither of whom could just take off from work.

So we got out the crate, and lined it completely with blankets, as the babies were so tiny they could easily fit through, or fall out during transport. I had owned birds before, so I was confident that I could easily pick her up and pop her in the crate if I used a towel (which was lucky because no one else would touch the momma, they were to afraid of her biting). I successfully popped her into the crate, quickly followed by us shoveling the babies in behind her, and covering the crate with towels to calm the momma down. By this point she wasn't exactly happy and quite stressed out.

We got them into her car, and decided to take her to a park near downtown where the main river in the city flows. Thankfully, just shortly after covering up the crate with blankets, momma, followed by her babies, calmed right down now that she felt relatively safe with her babies inside the darkness of the crate. The river was really only about a 5 minute drive away from where I found these little guys, but in duck paces, it's a pretty long fucking way, and then there's the traffic hazard. Once we arrived we unloaded the crate near the water and shoo-ed the momma out onto the bank. She headed straight for the water, and her nine (still nine, thankfully) babies followed right behind her. Safe at last! The woman who stopped to help me was amazing, I have to give her kudos! I would have had to shoo those ducks through downtown and to the river all by myself if it wasn't for her help (the crate and the car were a bonus!).

I certainly wasn't expecting that ordeal on my commute home tonight, and I'm super bummed I forgot to plug my phone in last night so I wasn't able to take a few more pictures. But, at least now I can add duck rescuing superhero to my resume, and will sleep sound knowing momma and babies are okay!

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