Today I found myself in the middle of a nerd-off that I had started. (a nerd-off is the conversation all nerds have had for a very long time. We all know the script. It always ends or at least includes nitpicking details that prevent liking of something.) It's like a waltz—you follow the steps with each new partner, each doing their part to enact the dance. I was not in the mood to dance. But there I was, having the same dance with a kid who had just finished college. College, for me, was a long time ago. Suddenly I had a moment of clarity: I really, really...really need to get laid.

It is a strange thing to find yourself in the middle of a conversation you've started that has gone someplace you didn't want to go. You were steering it, and it has taken a turn. How did we get here??!?! It is silly and you wish you could stop talking, but you can't. Because if you stop, the other person will talk, and think you want to keep discussing it. And it will delve deeper into nerddom, and it will go where you can't follow. Heck, it's already there. Quick! Think of something else! Weather? Nope. Sports? HAHA you're hilarious! But surely he can't follow there...maybe that would work. The key is to start the conversation down another path, one where he can follow for a while, until you both lose interest and go back to working in silence. I am never good at that.

I am not that big a nerd. I know that for certain. I'm nerdy, but I honestly do not give a shit about rank stripes on Star Trek uniforms. You could not pay me enough to give a shit about it, either. I've mentioned small-scale nerds before. I am a large-scale nerd. I care about how things connect. I am uninterested in the individual pieces. I prefer to see the whole puzzle. Today I was in a nerd-off with someone who loved to focus on pieces. It was unpleasant.

Advertisement

There always comes a point when I want to hit the brakes or backpedal, or bang a U-ie and get the heck out of there, but manoeuvering polite conversation does not allow that. I think I did okay, but it seemed to take him a little while before he saw me hit that wall. I have a BSG metaphor in my head, but I'll keep that to myself. I've done enough outing of my nerd-self this week.

If you'll excuse me, I need to refine my OKC profile now.