My kid is having 5th grade graduation. The gym is packed. It is standing room only. My husband tried to get me a bleacher seat then wanted to boost my fat ass up the side of the bleachers 3 rows. Um, do you know me? I’m awkward as hell, wearing flip flop type sandals, and you cannot lift me up. Do you even lift, bro?

So he’s standing in the back of the gym, I’m sitting on a classroom chair at the front (thank god I got a normal one, before they started bringing in kindergarten chairs), and my dad is somewhere in the bleachers. I haven’t even seen him.

Oh good, the kids are filing in. Let the long ass wait for my kid’s name begin!!