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Welcome To The Bitchery

Today in OKStupid (UPDATE!)

This, ladies & gentleman, is how seduction begins:

Hello, my name is [Redacted] and I'm an attorney from here in New York. I was browsing the profiles and was fortunate to come upon yours. You are very attractive.

As you can see, I don't post my photo or background information, however, if you would like to send me an email address, I'd be happy to send you my photos. Perhaps then you may like to chat. And yes, I'm very legitimate. I am not married nor do I have any children. - I have just recently come out of a relationship.



And thank you for that boilerplate message! No photo. No match questions. No profile. He is, however & from what little I can glean, a 45-year-old, never-married suburbanite with a corporate job who never does drugs. Naturally, I'm swooning at the many, many things we'll have to talk about.


After receiving his initial message & clicking on his profile, I received this in under a minute:

Let me send you my pics. I would definitely like to hang out with you.

Ugh. Duuuude. How much sketchiness are you planning to pile on? STAAAAHP. I then sent the following message:

Please explain to me how you'd imagine any sane, intelligent woman would endeavor to dole out additional information to someone who refuses to offer up any of his own. The trust regarding information on these sites requires a balanced quid pro quo for which you fail to pass muster even at a bare minimum level.


I also included a link to Louis CK's genius & highly applicable bit. Here is my suitor's reply:

I have no idea why you're so overly concerned. Tell me what in my email compromises you in any way? If you made up an email address soley for the purpose of corresponding with guys until you knew them better, none of this concern would even be relevant.

I was going to send you a couple of photos. If thereafter you want to get to know each other a bit, it would have been fine. (and safe)


So clearly, he's thoughtful, and a good listener, and full of helpful, practical suggestions.

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