The things that set off my depression are so stupid. I've been doing really well. I haven't been feeling particularly lonely; I haven't been having to fight myself to stay professional around Schroeder - I haven't even been coming up with random excuses to text him; I've been keeping fairly busy; I've actually enjoyed the down-time when the Bots are at their dad's for the weekend.

And then someone decided that we needed to do this song next Sunday:

And it's actually a really nice song. And it doesn't make my gag reflex go crazy, which lovey-dovey songs often do (even when I was blissfully happy in a relationship, lovey-dovey shit made me gag). It's actually a really really perfect song to play at a second wedding.

And I have to sing a solo. And I HATE IT. And I have spent most of today crying or sleeping or otherwise being Little Miss Depression Poster Child.


I'm sure I'll be over it by Sunday, and able to sing it without any issues. But I'm just really missing the kind of hugs that you can only get from someone who thinks you're awesome in a sexy kind of way. The hugs that don't want sexy things right now, but might later. The hugs that let you know that you're the most special person in the world to that one person who is the most special in the world to you. I miss those.