I spent some time with my best guy friend this weekend, the one I've posted about before, the one I have basically been talking myself in and out of having feelings for.

It started at Passover friday night. We sat next to each other at dinner and I remember being like "wow, he looks really nice tonight". I asked him to go have a beer with me at a nearby bar after the service and we sat and talked for a few hours until the bar shut down. I had a really good time and felt safe and happy.

Then, yesterday we had a small bbq at his house with two other friends. We all ended up hanging out until 3 this morning and he tucked me in on the sofa when I got sleepy.

Then, this morning he came in the living room once I had woken up and sat down and was basically like "look, I need to be honest with you about something. I have feelings for you and I have had them for awhile. I have wanted to be really careful and respectful about this but I would kick myself like crazy if you found a boyfriend and I hadn't ever told you how I felt." I told him I was basically in the same boat and had been sort of conflicted about whether or not to bring it up, but knew I'd need to say something had it been a few weeks of back-and-forth.

I dunno guys! It's been confusing for me because I have known him for almost 5 years and it seems like this has developed out of the blue, and I've kind of pushed myself back some because I didn't want to hurt our friendship. But, 1. I've been feeling secretly jealous when other women we're acquainted with hit on him 2. I feel really safe and comfortable around him which is a big deal for me 3. we want a lot of the same things out of life 4. I know he respects me and has an immense respect for women in general and 5. we have a really good time together. I think my fear of losing him as a friend if things don't pan out or whatever has kept me stuck on the fence, but I acknowledged today that we are both healthy, mature adults, and if we don't work out in a dating sense, we can communicate that clearly, deal with it like grown ups, and move on.

So I guess we will see what happens! I just realized today that I'll never know if this can be a thing if I don't stick my feet in the pool so to speak and find out. I feel happy and I am glad it's not just me that was feeling the vibes. I have been completely myself around this person, warts and all, and it's sooooo nice to feel accepted in that way and know that I'll never have to go through that whole letting the skeletons out of the closet process that I've felt like I've had to do in past relationships, because he knows who I truly am already.

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I think we are going on an actual date on Thursday. Stay tuned.