I got fired from a job by a client today and I deserved it. I totally fucked up. Just, legendarily so.

(Note that I am an independent contractor and this does not impact me very much financially, so this is almost 100% an emotional issue... which is to say, I don’t warrant anyone’s genuine concern. I just wanted to take a sec and acknowledge the inherent privilege in saying something like ‘I got fired but NBD except my feelings are now very hurt.’)

The very, very worst part of this is that this client rep, the exact one who fired me (very kindly and in that way where no one says “we’re letting you go” but instead they say “we’re going in a different direction”), is a woman with whom I’d hoped to be friends outside work. And now it’s too awkward. TOO AWKWARD FOREVER.

I have jobs up the wazoo—so many I make legendarily bad mistakes and blow deadlines—but I don’t have very many friends.

So today is a bad day, and it’s all my fault. I forgot what consequences feel like, I think, and they do not feel very nice.