After years of commenting on Gawker media sites I suppose I have/had several (totally meaningless) claims to quasi Internet fame. Shiny stars by my name, lots of followers, both friends and nemeses at Gawker HQ and on the sub-blogs...and yet none of that quells the inadequacy I feel every time I see a thread involving funny puns.

It is then that, despite advanced degrees in formal writing and rhetoric, I feel like I am little more than a puppet dictator attempting to command the English language. A mere pretender. An outsider desperately aching to be let into that sanctum in the temple of language arts where phonemes and homonyms are batted about playfully and with astounding accuracy.

The puns, you see, they come so quickly to some. I watch on gleefully with my nose pressed to the glass as one-by-one commenters jump on threads to demonstrate their dazzling wit! But alas, when I try to join in I find that the best puns are already taken or worse (and far more often) that they elude me entirely until someone more brilliant comes along and gives them life.

But not today. Today, April 7, 2015 is a day that will go down in history as the day that I not only surpassed 1,000 stars on a comment for the first time but did so for writing a pun!

BEHOLD IT IS A THING OF BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

(*Not really, it was kind of low-hanging fruit. But, well...FIRST!)