I go for walks at lunch at work. Even though it’s hot as fuck outside, I’ve still been going for like 15-20 minute ones.

Well, today Mother Nature was all “fuck that, moron trying to get heatstroke so you can go home from work early.”

Here I am, walking around the building next to mine (thankfully NOT my building with MY coworkers) and a spider fell onto my face from a tree I was walking under. Thanks a lot, tree. Apparently I don’t deserve 45 seconds of shade, you jerk.

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But this was no ordinary bug on your face situation. Oh no. No no no.

The spider managed to fall onto my face between my sunglasses and my left eye.

BETWEEN MY SUNGLASSES AND MY LEFT EYE

So there was screeching and frantic tearing off of sunglasses and flailing about. Of course I was clumsy and this felt like it took waaaaaay longer than just a normal taking off of sunglasses.

Right in front of where all the smokers hang out. So they had a good laugh. Or maybe are concerned about my mental health.

Good news! No spider bite for me, and the spider probably is still alive. I mean, I just tossed my sunglasses to the ground and frantically rubbed at my face and realized it wasn’t on my face. Nor was it on my sunglasses when I picked them up.

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And yes, I did finish my walk squinting in the bright light because there was no way in hell I was putting the sunglasses on again right away.