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Today's Gummi: Haribo Mini Rainbow Frogs

Illustration for article titled Todays Gummi: Haribo Mini Rainbow Frogs

Greetings from Secaucus, Friends of Gummi!

With financing from the government sequester restored in part (at long last!), The Gummi Research Institute™ (TGRI) has managed to cobble together enough research hours to return to productive research into everyone's favorite candy medium: gummi. We have been consistently amazed and touched by the outpourings of support from the Gummi Community, and would just like to take a moment to say that we could never do what we do without you.


Tonight's gummi is Haribo Mini Rainbow Frogs, the smaller, more varied cousin of an old favorite, Haribo Frogs.


Our samples of Mini Rainbow Frogs were examined initially in a double-blind fashion; researchers were unaware of both the nature of the gummi animal and the particular color of the rainbow being tested. As always, we have come to some conclusions which, while not entirely scientific, are indeed definitive, namely:

1) Mini Rainbow Frogs come in four reasonably distinct varieties: green, which is vaguely apple-flavored along the lines of the frogs' larger cousins; red, which is vaguely strawberry/cherry flavored; yellow, which is vaguely lemony; and orange, which tastes like yellow. The flavors are indeed reasonably distinct—our staff went eleven for thirteen on single-blind identification, with both false positives involving yellow-orange mixups.


2) The general systemic-structural attack of this gummi is modeled after its larger cousin, writ small: fruit flavor with a tougher consistency on top, creamy vanillin-neutral flavor with a spongier consistency on the bottom.

3) This, however, creates a problem, which, after several gummi symposia involving gummi vodka, was honed down by our staff to "Surface Area Compression Disorder." Because the actual surface area of the gummi sample is so much smaller than its larger cousin there is no room for the kind of textural complexity that makes its larger sibling so pleasing. The small gummis come off as flavorful, but also rather tough and knotty, and the distinction between the two ostensibly different textures is shrunk so far as to be nearly indistinguishable.


4) There is a lot to like here. Good, mostly distinct fruit flavors, a reasonably sound candy architecture, a good idea that is undermined by an integral design flaw.

Final Gummi Grade: B. A solid, well-intentioned effort that pleases in many ways but is cast down from greatness by the inherent limitations of its form. A Greek tragedy in gummi.

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