Does anybody else have depression/anxiety related triggers? And how do you deal with them? I'll discuss after the break, don't want to hurt anyone:
Many of you know I've struggled with thoughts of suicide in the past. I'm doing a lot better now, but there are times when I'll get frustrated or lonely—pretty much any time I feel trapped—when my brain will whisper "why don't you just kill yourself?" "Don't think—just walk out of work and into the street." Or, when it wants to be sneaky and dramatic :"let's stop taking the meds and go back to normal. You aren't meant to be happy."
It will penetrate suddenly and burn bright and hot like a poker pressed between my ribs. It punctures my lungs and I can't breathe and I want to cry but I can't because I'm at work, or I'm trying to be strong. It's almost like I'm back to where I was in college.
Do you think someone can have PTSD from their own suicidal thoughts? The thought of going back there terrifies me. I don't ever want to feel that hollow inside. I felt like I was rotting from the inside out. I dissociated on purpose whenever I was alone because existing was too awful, and there were days when it was so so hard to keep myself going. So to have these desires popping up in my brain is terrifying. I don't know how to deal with this.