Not getting out of bed is self-sabotaging behavior. Not exercising, not looking for work, not contacting friends to try and hang out, not taking and refilling my meds on time is self-sabotaging behavior. And I'm so so frustrated at myself I want to scream.

Right now I'm forcing myself to leave the apartment at least once a day. I'm forcing myself to stay at work for my full shift. I'm forcing myself to eat food and take my medication seriously and do little bits of work here or there- but I know I'm capable of bigger things and it's killing me. I know bullying myself is not productive, but it's really really hard not to do- especially when I mess up and I'm already emotionally compromised...