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Trying to be a supportive partner

Guys, I fucking hate my FIL. Hate, hate, hate, hate.

He's pretty much the worst person in the world for many reasons which I won't go into here (multiple types of abuse, neglect, favoritism, a whole host of issues which stem directly from this man).

The least of these issues, which might tell you how bad the others are, is that he has never shown any interest in HomeyHeart. He used to live near us and we would get one call a year: an invitation to his Father's Day BBQ. He never called or wrote for HomeyHeart's birthday, or Christmas, or any other time. But we were expected to celebrate him on Father's Day.


Now, he lives across the country. He's back in our area, visiting, many times a year but the last time we saw him was 2-3 years ago. We ran into him when we were all out to dinner. He was taking his adult stepson's 1st grade teacher out to dinner.

Yep, you read that right: apparently, he makes a point of taking this woman, who was his stepson's 1st grade teacher 25+ years ago, out to dinner every time he's in town. But he doesn't bother to call his son.

Now, FIL is dying of cancer and he wants HomeyHeart to be there for him. HomeyHeart is a kind, wonderful man who puts up with this bullshit, and keeps a positive attitude throughout.

I, however, fucking RAGE every time we see him. He has a smart, gentle, beautiful son and he doesn't even care. He has no sympathy or empathy for what it might feel like to be on the receiving end of his BS attempts at fatherhood.


Homey's supposed to go out with his dad for dinner this Tue. I told him I'd go, because I want to support him. Homey's more concerned for my than himself: He told me it might be better for me to stay home, since I get so upset every time we see FIL.

I want to be there for him but he's right. I cry tears of rage over this (lack of) relationship. And I don't want to upset him. But I do want to be there for him.


Is it better for me to stay out of it? Or should I go along to hold his hand?

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