I'm pretty sure I've managed to express my resentment at someone in a way they'll never notice but will make me feel better and thus more able to keep my temper.
I am pissed off at my Mother in Law. It's nothing new, exactly, but my tolerance for stupid petty family shit is really low after surviving two of my own siblings' weddings last month. I don't want to deal with stupid petty family-in-law shit. So when the in-laws stopped by unannounced after church last week (basically barging in to my jet-lag recovery while I was exhausted and not in the mood even if she apparantly missed me and hadn't seen me in too long or whatever), and the MiL immediately went into the kitchen and started giving out about the state it was in, I was not best pleased. (Um, yeah. The agreement in the lurker household is generally, I cook, mr. lurker does the dishes. Last weekend, I cooked and cleaned the lunch dishes, and then I cooked dinner and mr. lurker prioritized watching TV with me over washing the dishes so . . . Shock! Horror! there were dirty dishes all over the kitchen and I should have been ashamed that the house was in such a state or something.) Apparently the fact that the dishes are mr. lurker's job apparently don't change the fact that it's all my failing, and she managed to hold down a full time job, and do all the cooking and all the dishes, and her husband was a layabout and . . . (um, does she not realize that she's implicating herself in not training her son to not be a useless lug?) . . . So yeah, she sounded like she was not only judging me for my domestic failings but also trying to drive a wedge between me and mr. lurker and she really pissed me off.
A bit more relevant info. I kind of despise the whole Hallmarkified greeting card thing. About the only way I find cards meaningful is if they're actually handmade, so if I'm going to bloody well give them I prefer to make them myself. I definitely hate the idea of giving gifts because they're expected . . . particularly when it's giving gifts or cards to forestall the inevitable ructions that happen when you failed to meet their stupid stereotyped expectations. Okay, I'm a nonconformist bitch who doesn't have any shame about her lack of housekeeping mojo when jet-lagged.
Other relevant info: Over the past year, I've been successfully changing my eating and exercise habits to get more healthy, building strength and fit back into my clothes. Which has been great. The MiL has been trying to sabotage it somewhat . . . some of it I excuse as understandable because her health problems have been causing weight gain and she's frustrated. At the same time, she knows and we know but nobody says that her constant indulgance in sweets is not helping, and I know it annoys here when I turn down cakes and biscuits (ones I don't like much to begin with) that she tries to get me to eat. And there's only so much smiling and nodding I can do when she goes off on another rant about how we're wasting our money with the gym membership and look at the Queen, all she does is have a smaller plate and walk a lot and blah blah blah.
So, Mother's Day here is tomorrow. I just finished making a very thoughtful handmade Mother's Day card for her, because she would be horribly upset if she didn't get one, even though my own mom never gets one from me. It's got a cute kitchen on the front with a cute cuddly dog in the corner (she doesn't really like dogs), and inside is a matching image of just-baked cookies with the cookie bowl still there (unwashed!), and stamped cupcakes in different colors. I've written "Wishing you the sweetest Mother's Day". Oh . . . and I put loose glitter inside.
I checked with mr. lurker and he has confirmed that she will just be pleased to receive a nice, handmade card and will not twig to the idea that my handmade card is in fact a coded "STFU Bitch".