It's one of those situations that's such a near thing that I'm not even sure that I'm not just being a drama queen, to be entirely honest.

I'm from a family of fairly repressed redneck types, and so anything outside of the narrow farmboy redneck lifestyle is not something that most of my family goes in for. There are a few pockets of culture here and there, but for the most part it's just all of us keeping our brains as pickled with Budweiser as we possibly can.

So for the sake of politeness, I went with my cousin to visit some family on her other side that I didn't know really well. And while I was there, I ran into Joey. Joey's in his 40s and only came out a few years ago, though it's something that people have 'known' for quite some time. Over the course of the evening, I find out that Joey lost his virginity at 26 to a woman and tried very hard to be straight, but it didn't work out. He's not somewhat old and balding and the sort of guy who might have problems finding a niche in the modern gay community.

His boyfriend was a pretty little wisp of a twink named Brennan. Nice cologne, rail thin, fashionable, generally beautiful. And quite clearly just insecure as all hell, and the kind of person who just bolts and acts as aloof as possible and tries to push people away so that no one can hurt him.

So we're getting drunk, and my cousin is passed out with the family that she's really there to see. So it's just the three of us. And I have a terrible habit that is hateful - I become everyone's fucking therapist when I'm drunk. I just have embraced the role and become that person. So I dive in with both of them, of course.

And Brennan is insecure as hell about the fact that Joey likes him so much, so he's freaked out and tries to push Joey away. Joey, meanwhile, is insecure as fuck because he's with a boy who's so much hotter than him, and said boy won't do a single thing to express any feelings toward him. Because OF COURSE.


So. Fast forward just enough. After a long session of working with everyone, Brennan is ready to open up but he still feels kinda freaked out, or so I think. So instead of retiring to Joey's room (as Joey lives there with his mother) Brennan is going to sleep in the same room as myself, my cousin, and my cousin's cousin.

Joey FLIPS HIS SHIT. And I mean flips it. I hear slamming and noises, but I don't realize how bad it is until I look and see a fucking AXE is coming through the door. I mean, the rusty fucking head of an axe. So, somewhat afraid but not nearly afraid enough, I walk into the room with Joey and try to convince him to calm the fuck down. I drag Brennan in too, and get him to admit that lying down in the room with everyone isn't a harmless act, that he can see where it would hurt Joey, etc.

Just when I think I have him convinced, he says he just needs to protect himself by sleeping in the room with everyone else. Which is all well and good, as far as I'm concerned, and I ask Joey if he can just calm down and allow Brennan to protect himself. Joey marches off, seeming a bit bitter but not bad.


Of course, he then proceeds to come out screaming at the top of his lungs that everyone has to get the fuck out of his house and has exactly 30 minutes to do so. And since I'm the one who was so annoying to him by being Mr. Therapist, I was pretty certain that at the end of the 30 minutes that he was going to come out with an axe and murder me. So everyone tells me to just shut up and go to sleep, which I'm pretty damned ready for.

So I lie on the floor, sans blanket, because that's the friggin deal by the time I'm lying down. And it turns out that Joey was right to be jealous about Brennan. Because suddenly, as soon as he's soon my cousin and her cousin are asleep, suddenly I'm getting felt up. So I hiss 'no!' And of course that doesn't do any good.

Begging over and over, "Let me taste it." I literally am using both hands to cover myself at this point. In most situations, I would have just said yes, but this was just so wrong to me. And yet, it doesn't help. It doesn't stop. I'm practically chanting "No!" over and over, hissing under my breath so as to not wake up anyone, not least his psycho axe-wielding boyfriend.


Finally, I don't know what gives. Maybe he just realizes I'm that adamant. Maybe it's that I was so tired and drunk that I dropped my guard for a minute or two and let his hands through. Maybe he hears a noise that I don't. But he just says "Okay." Like it was the first time I had said no and he was being perfectly reasonable. "Okay."

It was pretty similar to how my molestation started - reluctantly, with lots of pressure from a guy - and it's just enough to make me want to start slicing my skin off one bit at a time. But I figure the best plan is to push it all out into this web page and then get my ass some sleep. Because anything's gotta be better than where I was.