...for every time someone told me that my depression could be cured by eating healthily and exercising, I would be able to afford some decent fucking therapy.

I just had a counselling session at my university. I had to go so that the department would acknowledge that there is something wrong wth me and then maybe they'll be nice to me. I walked in, she asked if I had been before and I responded with 'Yes, I've been in and out of counselling since I was eleven.'

I then proceeded to give the same speech I have given at the start of every counselling session, where I begin talking about what is upsetting me presently, end up telling them about my sexual abuse and how much I hate my uni, only to be told...

"I think your problems with self-esteem and confidence come from your sexual abuse and you're still struggling to cope with it. You need to resolve these issues and let go of the feelings you're still carrying from the abuse."


I could have told her that when I walked in. Talking through what happened isn't going to unabuse me. Giving me shitty advice about eating right and exercising only works for people who are mildly depressed, not coping with memories of sexual trauma. Oh, a gang of men manipulated, coerced and groomed you online for a period of five months? Better get your arse on that rowing machine, because an active lifestyle is vital for your happiness!


What I need is for the government to realise that our free healthcare which includes treatment for mental disorders should actually treat mental disorders, not just a chat over a cup of tea. That might work for some people, but unless I actually attempt suicide or something, I seemed to be barred for anything more effective. Anti-depressants can give me the short-term motivation to work harder at my happiness, and have done before, but they are not a replacement for the cognitive therapy that I need. I used to have it, but then they decided I wasn't depressed enough because I started getting better too quickly so stopped it. Fuck you, Tories.

Seriously, fuck compulsory university counselling with people that are still being trained. It's just made me feel worse. I'm going to go and buy a large portion of chips with a shit ton of scraps on, and I'm going to carrying on eating them even when I'm full, because fuck healthy eating.