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tw, pet loss

Well, that kind of says it all. My dog of 14 (almost 15) years had to be put to sleep last week. I'm not sorry I did it (except I am) because with former dogs I waited far too long. This was inevitable and when she had not been having fun for a while I knew it was time (she was of course also in pain though medicated). This has been the most stressful five months of my life and that includes the time my mother was dying. Now I am just numb but not numb enough so I'm abusing whatever random prescription drugs I have around and they still aren't knocking me out enough (because I am a piker in this regard). My Alzheimers' Dad forgets this every day and has to be re-told and gets all upset. I have to finish my grading and if not for the fact that kids need to graduate college I would just not GAF but I still can't get it together to do it. I don't want to go out for a walk because my neighbors will ask me where the dog is - believe it or not she was kind of a celebrity in my apartment building. How long does it take to start taking an interest in life again? So much of mine has slipped away during this time of her being sick. I can't even eat for comfort any more because I had weight loss surgery shortly before she got sick, and I have no clothes for the same reason but no interest in going shopping. It's like I literally don;t know who I am right now. Some drippy person I'd rather not hang out with, that's for sure.


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