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Illustration for article titled U GUYS THIS IS WHAT BEYONCE MEANT BY SERFBORT

If you were gonna include a sexual position into a song, what would it be?

Here's a few of my own (zero-effort) attempts:

1) Missionaaaaaaaary/Baby, get you summa that cheeerrrry/it might be kinda boring but it's intimate/and I can only hold other positions for a little bit

2) Girl, let's scissor like there's no tomorrow/do you have a hair-tie that I can borrow? / I need to get this hair up out of my face/then you can pull my ponytail and put me in my place (ooh woah!)

3)fuck I got a cramp/can you massage it out?/ I don't think that's what athletic sex is all about/I know i'm kinda weak, but you're no Schwartzenegger/ you shouldn't try to 69 me like you're a bro and I'm a keger


Also, have you ever serfborted before? How was it? Did you grain on that wood?

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