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Ugh. Depression no bueno.

You guys. My birthday is tomorrow, and for some reason I am having a really rough time with this one. So I'm just going to rant to GT because I have no one else to talk to about it.

I know I'm not that old or anything, but I always felt like I'd be doing something with my life by this point. I have a decent job that could become a career, but it's not what I wanted to do, and it's not really anything too challenging or glamorous or even that specialized. I feel like I'm wasting whatever potential I could have in the soul-sucking insurance industry. I just graduated, yes, but it's only a 2 year degree, and now I have $26k in student loan debt to pay off before I can even consider going back to school. The degree alone won't allow me to switch careers, and even with some basic certifications (which cost $$$ I don't have), I'd be taking a hell of a pay cut. The cost of living here is so high I can't really afford to save anything, and I'll never be able to afford to own a home of any kind here. But I can't go back to the mainland without getting a promotion (otherwise they won't pay my relocation, and I can't afford it on my own). Supervisor/management positions are few and far between, so who knows how long until the next one I'm qualified for pops up?


So I've been feeling pretty blah the last few days, and MitsuBT was supposed to come over and stay the night tonight. We went on a nice drive, had dinner, everything was great until we got back to my place and tried to figure out what movie we were going to watch. He made a couple suggestions (he says 5), and I shot them down because I just wanted to watch something lighthearted and silly and nothing he suggested sounded that great, and he got irritated with me for shooting them down. He then said he wasn't feeling well and left. When I said "see you tomorrow?" he responded with: "Probably. Depends on what time I get off work."

Um, what? We had plans for my birthday tomorrow!

Now I don't know what to do. I'm just going to drink some beer and chain smoke until I get sleepy enough for bed. Not like my depression hasn't triggered some of the worst insomnia I've had in recent years.



/end whiny rant

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